my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i think i have two assholes
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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