Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Randomize
