Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
