the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
