Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
