There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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