How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
