32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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