i need an iv and a liver transplant
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
