Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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