Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
