She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
