Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
