wat bout pragnant strippers??
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
