Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
