The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
