I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
