I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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