Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
the day after is always just damage control
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
