Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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