its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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