it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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