I think im going to throw up on grandma
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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