Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
