that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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