Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
