Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
