Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
