were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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