I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
