You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
