My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
