last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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