he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
