Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
