a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
