I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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