I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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