There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
