I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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