Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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