Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
