I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
my being single is dangerous.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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