I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
