I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
