I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
