Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
