Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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