Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
