Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
