turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
