If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
