Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
